I don't like the term "self care" but I've been watching fight scenes from Kill Bill this last week or two to work through some things.
Silly Rabbit.
I watch them at the gym instead of listening to music sometimes.
<You call that begging?>
Maybe it's a little extreme but... at work we're being required to wear masks again and things are looking bleak in many respects for civilization. Meanwhile I still go to school and keep house, and pretend like life is normal.
I finally did something about my patio, and I really have to start taking before and after pics. It's been so hot I barely do any outdoor work, but this evening I went out there with a weed whacker and a hack saw and cleaned up most of the concrete and surrounding bits by the fencing. My neighbors are away so maybe I'll have everything looking really good by the time they get back. A couple days ago when I was outside watering the plants I realized my yard looks like no one really lives here. Weeds were growing out of the cracks in the patio and blackberry vines are trailing over the edges. There's still a lot of work to do but maybe that will be the fun part.
I have been giving a lot of thought to the origins of anxiety, how I first perceived it , and how it comes up now. It's as if when it does happen I'm not sure what's going on, I can't put a name to it. A week ago I had a mild anxiety attack that lasted for most of a day, in which I could barely collect my thoughts or identify any of my immediate needs. It feels more like being not fully awake rather than being nervous. Ever since that day I've been better but I've been mulling over how I can make some little positive changes and take breaks. That day I had also had a small amount of alcohol, which made me even more aware of how sensitive I am to it. I never want to need meds again, though I wouldn't rule it out. I just want to manage as best as I can. And I want to write more about my experiences so that I can help people if I can.
This week is going to be my last in my current term at school. I've been studying for over a year now! I have much more to go but I'm no longer afraid of transferring and taking on harder classes. I'm ready!!
Another thing that I've been pondering is that looking over your own mental health (and wellness in general) truly is.a gift you give yourself. Being your own advocate and learning to pay attention to the little warning signs your mind and body are giving you is a lifelong process. I'm still learning to recognize and respond to my mental health matters. It's worth the time and study it takes to become familiar with all of those things. I feel like for once in my life I have the resources I need to see to them.
